Blessings

Have you asked for your blessing today?

Or maybe you feel you don’t deserve it or even feel God has been unusually kind to you. So you think you shouldn't expect, much less ask for, Him to bless you. As fact you might even feel he should ignore you for a while.

According to Bruce Wilkinson’s book “The Prayer of Jabez”, this kind of thinking is a sin and a trap! When Moses said to God on Mount Sinai, “Show me your glory” (Exodus 33:18), he was asking for a more intimate understanding of God. In response, God described Himself as “the Lord, the Lord God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth” (34:6).

How incredible is that? The very nature of God is to have goodness in so much abundance that it overflows into our unworthy lives.

Jesus Promised “Ask, and it will be given to you” (Matthew 7:7). “You do not have because you do not ask,” said James (James 4:2). Even though there is no limit to God’s goodness, if you didn’t ask Him for a blessing yesterday, you didn't get all that you were supposed to have. That’s the catch – if you don’t ask for his blessing, you forfeit those blessings that come to you when you ask.

I say “Bless me Lord indeed.” I will let God decided what's blessings are best for me. Why? Simply if I try to run my life I mess up and need God to clean up, so it’s about time I just let Him take over it all.

May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door!

Power of God

“In a brief moment you can be changed forever.”
~Sidney Tucker~

A lot of my stories deal with the loss of loved ones and how they are missed. In this story I want to share how I found hope in what could have been the darkest moment in my life. How I remembered that god was there with me waiting on me to depend on him and him alone.

Back in March (08), I hurt my back by slipping in the shower. I didn’t think much about it until a couple of days later when I felt numbness in my legs and pain in my chest. Even then, I thought I was having a heart attack. I walked into the emergency room and they did test after test. After a spinal tap, MRI, and a CT scan I was told I had multipliable disks that had swollen onto my spinal cord and could cause more damage if left untreated. I talked to a Neurologist who told me I needed surgery to correct the problem. It couldn’t wait or I could face bigger problems very quickly. Soon the surgeon was there talking to me. Explaining what I should expect before, during, and after the surgery. Hurting and scared I opted for the surgery. I was sent to ICU where my room would be and was told I would have the operation first thing the next morning. Needless to say I didn't sleep much that night worried about what was to come.

Time came and I was knocked out and the operation was underway. Eight hours later when I woke, I found out the worst was yet to come. They touched my legs and even though I could somewhat tell they were touching me, I could not move. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't even move a toe. I heard them say they cut to high, but being so sleepy I can't say for sure. They quickly did more test. MRI (which due to the titanium rods they put on my spine was a waste of time) then another CT scan. It was found they kinked my spinal cord during surgery causing more swelling cutting off the nerves that allows movement and feeling. After a second surgery and a time of waking up the doctor came and told me the news. We are sorry, there is no way of knowing, and you may never walk again were the things they said. They put me on steroids in hopes to reduce the swelling. This caused increased blood sugars that caused me to become diabetic that caused me to be placed on insulin. I laid in my bed unable to roll over, sit up, or move in any way. I was paralyzed from the chest down. They would pull me onto a chair to set me up to allow better blood flow. I allowed them to do as they wished no matter how intense the pain was, because I didn’t care, I had lost hope in ever being whole, being useful, being a man ever again. They would roll me side to side to help prevent bedsores, and all I could do was cry. My arms moved and I could turn my head but that’s all I could do.

I remember the fear setting in while I was lying in bed at Stone Crest hospital. I cried not knowing what was next. I asked God for so many things to let me wake up and all this be a dream. I asked to him to let me wake up back in time so I can avoid all of this. Please God I will do anything you want, and I cried and cried asking why me. The nurses tried their best to take care of me, but it was hard for me to appreciate their efforts. On my fifth day, I was move to Vanderbilt Stallworth Rehabilitation hospital so I could learn how to get around in a wheelchair, transfer in and out of bed, and use the bathroom all over again. Having to be taken care of, to be changed, and help to bathe truly helps someone learn what humility is (at least it did me.) The idea I couldn’t do the simplest things and that strangers would see me in the most private of ways was more than my mind could handle. The first three days were the worst; they wanted me out of the bed and in a wheel chair. I was not just over weight but swollen as well, and took 3 and 4 people to help me transfer. I had no muscle control, no balance so I was always afraid I would fall to the floor. Then came the day things started changing for me. There was a little woman named Susan came in to transfer me to my chair. I asked where her help was she told me I was her help and I could and would do this. I was stunned and shocked, but something about her confidence made me feel I could do it. I listened to what she told me to do, I took my time, and just she and I took me from my bed to my chair. Though tired I knew at that moment something was different.

My time in the hospital did more than show me humility. It also helped my mind to become quite not only in asking God to talk to me to tell me what to do, but to hear him as well. In a brief moment, words came to mind that my Sunday school teacher once said. It was a story about how Shepards in years past would take a lamb that would continually wonder away from the flock and break its leg then feed it by hand. Taking care of its every need until it was healed and then its trust would be fully and solely with the Shepard and the lamb would not wonder away. I saw in so many ways how this could be me now in God’s hands, but what was next? I asked God if I’m in your hands what do I do now? What was next came with in minutes of me asking God. My roommate’s friend came in he was a member of the Gideons and asked me if I would like a copy of the New Testament. Of course, I said yes and started reading it as soon as I could. I knew God was talking to me and I needed to find out what he had to say.

Matthew 7-11
7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

I can’t explain what I felt next. I knew this was the passage I was meant to read. It echoed in my mind as if someone was saying it over and over. That moment I prayed harder and truer than I ever have in my life. I still remember the words as if it were yesterday.

“Oh Lord, here I lay broken, not sure what to do. You said ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find, first I seek you to be with me to give me peace to accept where I am, to be strong so I can be an example to others who be like me. I ask you make me whole again in your time, to be as you will. Guide me Lord. Amen”

I slept well that night with peace I never truly knew before. Monday was the start of not only a new week but a new me. The doctor came in and looked me over deciding what things we needed to look at. I asked him about walking again and he told me not to get my hopes up for I showed nothing that made him think I would ever walk again, but anything could happen. The first of my two therapist came in to help start showing me how to get dressed by myself. I asked him about what I needed to know about walking again. He asked me if the doctor said I would I told him no, he didn’t say I would but I know I will. He asked me how I knew. I told I just knew, it was promised to me. With a smile he told me when I moved my leg he would start talking to me about it. My second therapist came in she was to work with my mobility. She was to help me get strong working my muscles, even my legs. I asked her about walking. She told me it all depends on the movement I give her to work with. You can’t stand if the muscles aren’t working right. This was Erica, she would never tell me I wouldn’t walk again. She would challenge me and tell me if I give her the muscle to work with she would make it stronger.

I prayed again that night and every night that week the same prayer. The end of the week came and it was Saturday morning I was in a special chair in the shower I leaned over and saw a toe move. I was scared I was only seeing what I wanted to see. I called a technician in to see and I willed it to do it again and it did. She told me she saw it and I cried sobbing thank you God. I started flexing my toe all day both Saturday and Sunday. Sunday night before I went to sleep I moved my leg to one side. Took all I could to do it but I did. Monday morning came and I thanked God again, soon my therapist came in to help me dress. I asked again about me walking. He smiled and said as genteel as he could he would be more than happy to talk to me about it when I show more improvement like moving my leg. I move it and asked is that good. He was shocked and asked me to do it again, so I did. My doctor wasn’t as impressed he would refuse to give me false hope, but following it with you never know. As the weeks passed one leg moving became two. Everyone loved my attitude toward getting better.

Every day I prayed giving thanks for the power God was showing through me. Everyone that would listen I told them look at what God has done. Every week something new would happen. I pushed myself further and further everyday wanting to taste more of God’s power. The power now flowed through me and overflowing on to others, I was asked to talk to other patients who seem unwilling to try, to give hope. Now I’m home through the help of great friends and the church I was able to have my truck converted to hand controls so I could return to work. I’m still in my wheelchair but I’m standing, taking steps. As to date I’ve walked 120 feet all do to the power of God. I’m not done yet God is molding me and I can’t wait to see the final product. I got to share my story at church through Cardboard Testimonies and I can only pray I inspire others that no matter the problem God can carry you through it. With God in my life I can do it, what ever it is. I push myself with God's help to show my son it can be done.

Sidney Tucker

Mother's Day

Today May 8, 2011 is Mother’s Day. I just wanted to write a few word for all the women who became mother’s either by giving birth or taking on the roll through adoption or foster care or what ever the circumstance. Bless each and every one of you.

Through your actions of showing love, guiding young life to adulthood, giving them values and beliefs to stand for molds the future of our world. Little by little everyday a mother gives something of herself to make sure her children are taken care of before themselves. Some give their time to go back to school so they can make a better life for their family. Some cook and clean to provide a healthy environment for their children. Most if not all don’t give this a second thought. It is what has to be done because that’s what their mother’s did for them.

I can’t count the number of things my mother must have given up for me. A child born crippled and had to have extra care. The nights of lost sleep to make sure I could sleep. The surgeries that worried her or the time spent taking me back and forth to the Dr’s appointments. My mother was a strong woman and as she said made from strong stock hearing the stories of her mother. My mom, all moms’ is what holds a family together. She learns through time how to keep siblings from killing one another. She learns how to show each child one on one attention without making the others feel left out.

Mom is who makes the boo boo’s go away. We may fight with them and think we know better. We may roll our eye when they give unasked for advice, but the truth is we all know in our hearts they are most of the time right. I know mine was more than just a few times.

So to all of you I raise my glass and toast you for being who you are, the strong women who took on the roll of mother.

By
Sidney Tucker

Dear Mom

Hello Mom,

I'm just writing you a note to let you know you’re still on my mind. I sometimes find my self laughing remembering some of the things you said or done. Remember that time we went to Bollix, MS and that crab chased Aunt Hazel, and the pavement was so hot we thought or shoes were melting? Man that was a good time. I know I was a pain and I'm sorry, I only say that because I have one doing the same thing to me I did to you and now know what I put you through. I missed seeing you at Christmas and I was sorry about that, oh I missed your pumpkin pie as well HA you know how I was about your pies. That's okay I know you got to spend it with Joyce and I'm so jealous tell her I said hi that I love and miss her as well.

As for Zack you should see him. He’s 10 will be 11 soon. He’s tall, handsome and smart, oh so smart. I think he will be as tall as dad maybe shorter. He loves to read and build things that make me very happy. He wants to be an engineer and I think he will build beautiful things. He misses you as well. I tell him the stories of you two and how you loved to be around one another. I think he remembers without the stories even though he was so young. Just so you know that all the advice you gave me wasn't wasted, I find myself giving it to Zack sounding an awful lot like you. I think you planned that. Even though you're so far away I still feel you right here looking over my shoulder whispering in my ear words of encouragement giving me strength.

I wish you could see my personal growth, things haven’t gone well with me but I remember the things you said and I move forward. I remembered you saying if we didn’t move forward we would get board with the things we see. So I pick my self up and move to see what’s over the next hill. I would think I would get use to it, but I’m still amazed at how much you really are still with me. I can talk to you and hear your replies as if you are sitting next to me. The only real thing that I miss is that hug that makes it all better. Well I better let you go for now. Tell Dad and the rest I love them and to take care.

Oh yeah and Mom, Happy Mother’s Day I love you OH so much.

Love,
Sid

An Awakening

I was sitting one day listening to a friend of mine tell me how he came to know, or found God. It made me think about the time God came back into my life. This is one of my stories I have shared with very few people. Now so many years later I want to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it, and it makes you think of your own story and maybe one day you will share yours.

. . .

The moon shown bright that night as I looked up at the blackened sky. The stars glimmered here and there not a cloud to disturb the view. I walked along looking up trying to make sense of all that has happened in my life. I work hard and I try to do the right things but I kept getting knocked down. Tonight I thought I won’t be knocked down anymore. No one cares if I’m here or there I just don’t want to hurt anymore. I looked over the edge and saw the pit of blackness that by day was the valley floor below. One hundred and fifty feet below I could barely make out the tops of the trees. I could hear the owls hoot and rustling of wings as they took off from their perch hunting for their night’s meal. I took in all this beauty without really seeing it clouded by my own misery.

My head was full of self-pity, doubt, and fear. I sat down on the edge of the cliff and just closed my eyes listening to the sounds of nature. So peaceful was it all I didn’t want to leave I wanted to join the birds in their flight of the night and just have the pain to stop. Tears formed in my eyes as I started to cry not truly knowing why. I cried out aloud to the night. “Where are YOU? Why don’t I feel you inside me? DAMN YOU GOD! DAMN YOU TO HELL!” My head drooped and I cried, and I cried. When my sobs came under control I knew it was time. I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore I just wanted to sleep sweet peaceful sleep. Why did I go to my truck that I will never know, but I did? The final good bye, maybe to scrawl something on paper saying I of sound mind, yeah me of sound mind. I laughed at the thought, I laughed so hard I thought I would be sick. Then I remembered why I was there.

I found some paper and a pen and then I saw there was something on the page. I reach in and turned on the light and written in red the first line “What Must I DO To Be Saved?” I laughed and threw it in the truck. There’s no God never has been. Yeah I believed when I was a kid, okay I believed when I was 20 you had to have that hum yeah I believed when my son was born that was a miracle. A little life appearing out of no where and needed me to take care of him, and I have watched him grow and he loves me as much as I do him. “OH god where are you? I need help I really do. I don’t know what to do or where to turn I’m so alone. I want to die.” I stood up and the piece of paper I had thrown into the truck blew back toward me. I looked at it again. I went back to the cliffs edge and sat my paper still in my hand. “If your there lord I’m sorry, I’m sorry for not believing. I need help, I hurt so badly.” I must have fallen to sleep because I woke and the sun shown bright and another day had come.

I looked over the edge of the cliff where I had been sleeping and saw below jagged rocks jetting out here and there to be covered further out by lush green trees. You could hear the birds of morning singing their songs. I looked up into the bluest blue sky I had ever seen. I slowly stood up my body stiff from sleeping on the ground. My mind was clear and I felt strong and energized. In my hand was the piece of paper from last night I opened it again and re-read the red print “How Much Would You Like To Save?” It was a letter from my bank, about saving accounts. That’s not what I remembered. I walked back to my truck where I left it. The windows were up and the doors locked. I don’t remember closing the door to my truck nor the windows being up. How did the paper blow back to me if the windows were up? “I believe” I said to myself as a tear formed in my eye, “Thank you God, now I believe.”

By
Sidney Tucker

Pain

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”

Lance Armstrong

A few years ago I slipped in the shower and needed back surgery that left me a paraplegic. As bad as that sounds I found out I’m one of a lucky few. My SCI (Spinal Cord Injury) is incomplete and maybe with the grace of God and hard work I may walk again. I have my moments and in the privacy, away from my son and people, in my own room I can break down cry and curse the world around me. I stay in pain and feel as if I can’t think straight when I take the meds to keep my body limber and capable of movement, but I continue on knowing something better will come along.

I found as much as you try not to, you can become wrapped up into your own world and forget there are those just outside in your life that need attention as well. I found out during one of my “Whoa is me” moments that my sister had cancer. As I sat in my chair getting around she had lost her hair to chemo. Her legs were weak which kept her from working, yet she continued to move forward in faith and in personal strength. Our mother told us time after time we were made from strong stock and can rise above any and all obstacles. I guess she was right in consideration we refused to stay down. I stood and tried to walk and she put on her scarf and hats and created a new stylish look.

The world can try its best but we will rise and conquer or die trying. Even in the end when she left no one could say she gave up, they will say she fought to the very end. Though I don’t talk to my family as much as I should, however, I do know they will be there for me doing what needs to be done and same goes for me to them. Pain is a state of mind, and this too shall pass, we make our happiness or sadness. I choose happiness, I choose to enjoy my family, to hold my son tight, and watch him grow. I choose to be there for as long as God will allow.

I choose not to give up.

By

Sidney Tucker

Home Coming

I think about all our love ones that have past. My mom and dad Joyce and Charles, my brother in-law and sister Roger and Joyce, my uncle Johnny, my grandmother Mammy, My aunt Hazel, and my uncle Ed. Many of us miss these people in different ways. We wish they could be back with us but healthy and lively like we have them fixed in our minds. We want to hug them, hold them, kiss them, and tell them another hundred plus times we love them. Let me share what I see in my mind.

I see a large house setting in the country side. You know the type, they all described it to you the house they would have if they could build it. A two story house with a wrap around porch so they could sit and watch the sun set feeling the breeze blow over them. In side this house is a big living room where everyone can sit and share their stories a thousand times over and everyone listens and laughs as if it was the first time they ever heard it. Daddy has his friends over playing music as Daddy sings Mammy dances to the beat. Mom is in the kitchen with the stove hot cooking away, Aunt Hazel and Joyce are with her helping and gossiping about that other family member everyone talks about.

In the dinning room sits a table as big as it looked to us when we were ten. Room enough for everyone no child’s table here and all the foods that Mom, Joyce, Aunt Hazel, and Mammy cooked so well what you remembered from Thanksgiving and Christmas. All the food sitting there waiting on someone to dig in. I see Mom’s pumpkin pie and Dads potato salad and banana pudding, a big baked ham and roasted turkey, homemade dressing and giblet gravy. I can’t wait to taste Joyce’s fudge pie or maybe it’s her sweet potatoes covered with cinnamon and marshmallows. No mater how much you eat you never run out of hot rolls.

After dinner everyone goes on how good it all was settling down with drinks. There is no bad seat in the house all chairs and couches feel just right. Sitting there enjoying it all is Uncle Ed with his hat and overalls on playing with one of our many pets. Beside him is an open space waiting because here he doesn’t mind waiting on a woman.

This is what I see an open door and people waiting for us to arrive so the party can really get started. What a way to go home.

By
Sidney Tucker