An Awakening

I was sitting one day listening to a friend of mine tell me how he came to know, or found God. It made me think about the time God came back into my life. This is one of my stories I have shared with very few people. Now so many years later I want to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it, and it makes you think of your own story and maybe one day you will share yours.

. . .

The moon shown bright that night as I looked up at the blackened sky. The stars glimmered here and there not a cloud to disturb the view. I walked along looking up trying to make sense of all that has happened in my life. I work hard and I try to do the right things but I kept getting knocked down. Tonight I thought I won’t be knocked down anymore. No one cares if I’m here or there I just don’t want to hurt anymore. I looked over the edge and saw the pit of blackness that by day was the valley floor below. One hundred and fifty feet below I could barely make out the tops of the trees. I could hear the owls hoot and rustling of wings as they took off from their perch hunting for their night’s meal. I took in all this beauty without really seeing it clouded by my own misery.

My head was full of self-pity, doubt, and fear. I sat down on the edge of the cliff and just closed my eyes listening to the sounds of nature. So peaceful was it all I didn’t want to leave I wanted to join the birds in their flight of the night and just have the pain to stop. Tears formed in my eyes as I started to cry not truly knowing why. I cried out aloud to the night. “Where are YOU? Why don’t I feel you inside me? DAMN YOU GOD! DAMN YOU TO HELL!” My head drooped and I cried, and I cried. When my sobs came under control I knew it was time. I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore I just wanted to sleep sweet peaceful sleep. Why did I go to my truck that I will never know, but I did? The final good bye, maybe to scrawl something on paper saying I of sound mind, yeah me of sound mind. I laughed at the thought, I laughed so hard I thought I would be sick. Then I remembered why I was there.

I found some paper and a pen and then I saw there was something on the page. I reach in and turned on the light and written in red the first line “What Must I DO To Be Saved?” I laughed and threw it in the truck. There’s no God never has been. Yeah I believed when I was a kid, okay I believed when I was 20 you had to have that hum yeah I believed when my son was born that was a miracle. A little life appearing out of no where and needed me to take care of him, and I have watched him grow and he loves me as much as I do him. “OH god where are you? I need help I really do. I don’t know what to do or where to turn I’m so alone. I want to die.” I stood up and the piece of paper I had thrown into the truck blew back toward me. I looked at it again. I went back to the cliffs edge and sat my paper still in my hand. “If your there lord I’m sorry, I’m sorry for not believing. I need help, I hurt so badly.” I must have fallen to sleep because I woke and the sun shown bright and another day had come.

I looked over the edge of the cliff where I had been sleeping and saw below jagged rocks jetting out here and there to be covered further out by lush green trees. You could hear the birds of morning singing their songs. I looked up into the bluest blue sky I had ever seen. I slowly stood up my body stiff from sleeping on the ground. My mind was clear and I felt strong and energized. In my hand was the piece of paper from last night I opened it again and re-read the red print “How Much Would You Like To Save?” It was a letter from my bank, about saving accounts. That’s not what I remembered. I walked back to my truck where I left it. The windows were up and the doors locked. I don’t remember closing the door to my truck nor the windows being up. How did the paper blow back to me if the windows were up? “I believe” I said to myself as a tear formed in my eye, “Thank you God, now I believe.”

By
Sidney Tucker