Mother's Day

Today May 8, 2011 is Mother’s Day. I just wanted to write a few word for all the women who became mother’s either by giving birth or taking on the roll through adoption or foster care or what ever the circumstance. Bless each and every one of you.

Through your actions of showing love, guiding young life to adulthood, giving them values and beliefs to stand for molds the future of our world. Little by little everyday a mother gives something of herself to make sure her children are taken care of before themselves. Some give their time to go back to school so they can make a better life for their family. Some cook and clean to provide a healthy environment for their children. Most if not all don’t give this a second thought. It is what has to be done because that’s what their mother’s did for them.

I can’t count the number of things my mother must have given up for me. A child born crippled and had to have extra care. The nights of lost sleep to make sure I could sleep. The surgeries that worried her or the time spent taking me back and forth to the Dr’s appointments. My mother was a strong woman and as she said made from strong stock hearing the stories of her mother. My mom, all moms’ is what holds a family together. She learns through time how to keep siblings from killing one another. She learns how to show each child one on one attention without making the others feel left out.

Mom is who makes the boo boo’s go away. We may fight with them and think we know better. We may roll our eye when they give unasked for advice, but the truth is we all know in our hearts they are most of the time right. I know mine was more than just a few times.

So to all of you I raise my glass and toast you for being who you are, the strong women who took on the roll of mother.

By
Sidney Tucker

Dear Mom

Hello Mom,

I'm just writing you a note to let you know you’re still on my mind. I sometimes find my self laughing remembering some of the things you said or done. Remember that time we went to Bollix, MS and that crab chased Aunt Hazel, and the pavement was so hot we thought or shoes were melting? Man that was a good time. I know I was a pain and I'm sorry, I only say that because I have one doing the same thing to me I did to you and now know what I put you through. I missed seeing you at Christmas and I was sorry about that, oh I missed your pumpkin pie as well HA you know how I was about your pies. That's okay I know you got to spend it with Joyce and I'm so jealous tell her I said hi that I love and miss her as well.

As for Zack you should see him. He’s 10 will be 11 soon. He’s tall, handsome and smart, oh so smart. I think he will be as tall as dad maybe shorter. He loves to read and build things that make me very happy. He wants to be an engineer and I think he will build beautiful things. He misses you as well. I tell him the stories of you two and how you loved to be around one another. I think he remembers without the stories even though he was so young. Just so you know that all the advice you gave me wasn't wasted, I find myself giving it to Zack sounding an awful lot like you. I think you planned that. Even though you're so far away I still feel you right here looking over my shoulder whispering in my ear words of encouragement giving me strength.

I wish you could see my personal growth, things haven’t gone well with me but I remember the things you said and I move forward. I remembered you saying if we didn’t move forward we would get board with the things we see. So I pick my self up and move to see what’s over the next hill. I would think I would get use to it, but I’m still amazed at how much you really are still with me. I can talk to you and hear your replies as if you are sitting next to me. The only real thing that I miss is that hug that makes it all better. Well I better let you go for now. Tell Dad and the rest I love them and to take care.

Oh yeah and Mom, Happy Mother’s Day I love you OH so much.

Love,
Sid

An Awakening

I was sitting one day listening to a friend of mine tell me how he came to know, or found God. It made me think about the time God came back into my life. This is one of my stories I have shared with very few people. Now so many years later I want to share it with you. I hope you enjoy it, and it makes you think of your own story and maybe one day you will share yours.

. . .

The moon shown bright that night as I looked up at the blackened sky. The stars glimmered here and there not a cloud to disturb the view. I walked along looking up trying to make sense of all that has happened in my life. I work hard and I try to do the right things but I kept getting knocked down. Tonight I thought I won’t be knocked down anymore. No one cares if I’m here or there I just don’t want to hurt anymore. I looked over the edge and saw the pit of blackness that by day was the valley floor below. One hundred and fifty feet below I could barely make out the tops of the trees. I could hear the owls hoot and rustling of wings as they took off from their perch hunting for their night’s meal. I took in all this beauty without really seeing it clouded by my own misery.

My head was full of self-pity, doubt, and fear. I sat down on the edge of the cliff and just closed my eyes listening to the sounds of nature. So peaceful was it all I didn’t want to leave I wanted to join the birds in their flight of the night and just have the pain to stop. Tears formed in my eyes as I started to cry not truly knowing why. I cried out aloud to the night. “Where are YOU? Why don’t I feel you inside me? DAMN YOU GOD! DAMN YOU TO HELL!” My head drooped and I cried, and I cried. When my sobs came under control I knew it was time. I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore I just wanted to sleep sweet peaceful sleep. Why did I go to my truck that I will never know, but I did? The final good bye, maybe to scrawl something on paper saying I of sound mind, yeah me of sound mind. I laughed at the thought, I laughed so hard I thought I would be sick. Then I remembered why I was there.

I found some paper and a pen and then I saw there was something on the page. I reach in and turned on the light and written in red the first line “What Must I DO To Be Saved?” I laughed and threw it in the truck. There’s no God never has been. Yeah I believed when I was a kid, okay I believed when I was 20 you had to have that hum yeah I believed when my son was born that was a miracle. A little life appearing out of no where and needed me to take care of him, and I have watched him grow and he loves me as much as I do him. “OH god where are you? I need help I really do. I don’t know what to do or where to turn I’m so alone. I want to die.” I stood up and the piece of paper I had thrown into the truck blew back toward me. I looked at it again. I went back to the cliffs edge and sat my paper still in my hand. “If your there lord I’m sorry, I’m sorry for not believing. I need help, I hurt so badly.” I must have fallen to sleep because I woke and the sun shown bright and another day had come.

I looked over the edge of the cliff where I had been sleeping and saw below jagged rocks jetting out here and there to be covered further out by lush green trees. You could hear the birds of morning singing their songs. I looked up into the bluest blue sky I had ever seen. I slowly stood up my body stiff from sleeping on the ground. My mind was clear and I felt strong and energized. In my hand was the piece of paper from last night I opened it again and re-read the red print “How Much Would You Like To Save?” It was a letter from my bank, about saving accounts. That’s not what I remembered. I walked back to my truck where I left it. The windows were up and the doors locked. I don’t remember closing the door to my truck nor the windows being up. How did the paper blow back to me if the windows were up? “I believe” I said to myself as a tear formed in my eye, “Thank you God, now I believe.”

By
Sidney Tucker

Pain

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”

Lance Armstrong

A few years ago I slipped in the shower and needed back surgery that left me a paraplegic. As bad as that sounds I found out I’m one of a lucky few. My SCI (Spinal Cord Injury) is incomplete and maybe with the grace of God and hard work I may walk again. I have my moments and in the privacy, away from my son and people, in my own room I can break down cry and curse the world around me. I stay in pain and feel as if I can’t think straight when I take the meds to keep my body limber and capable of movement, but I continue on knowing something better will come along.

I found as much as you try not to, you can become wrapped up into your own world and forget there are those just outside in your life that need attention as well. I found out during one of my “Whoa is me” moments that my sister had cancer. As I sat in my chair getting around she had lost her hair to chemo. Her legs were weak which kept her from working, yet she continued to move forward in faith and in personal strength. Our mother told us time after time we were made from strong stock and can rise above any and all obstacles. I guess she was right in consideration we refused to stay down. I stood and tried to walk and she put on her scarf and hats and created a new stylish look.

The world can try its best but we will rise and conquer or die trying. Even in the end when she left no one could say she gave up, they will say she fought to the very end. Though I don’t talk to my family as much as I should, however, I do know they will be there for me doing what needs to be done and same goes for me to them. Pain is a state of mind, and this too shall pass, we make our happiness or sadness. I choose happiness, I choose to enjoy my family, to hold my son tight, and watch him grow. I choose to be there for as long as God will allow.

I choose not to give up.

By

Sidney Tucker

Home Coming

I think about all our love ones that have past. My mom and dad Joyce and Charles, my brother in-law and sister Roger and Joyce, my uncle Johnny, my grandmother Mammy, My aunt Hazel, and my uncle Ed. Many of us miss these people in different ways. We wish they could be back with us but healthy and lively like we have them fixed in our minds. We want to hug them, hold them, kiss them, and tell them another hundred plus times we love them. Let me share what I see in my mind.

I see a large house setting in the country side. You know the type, they all described it to you the house they would have if they could build it. A two story house with a wrap around porch so they could sit and watch the sun set feeling the breeze blow over them. In side this house is a big living room where everyone can sit and share their stories a thousand times over and everyone listens and laughs as if it was the first time they ever heard it. Daddy has his friends over playing music as Daddy sings Mammy dances to the beat. Mom is in the kitchen with the stove hot cooking away, Aunt Hazel and Joyce are with her helping and gossiping about that other family member everyone talks about.

In the dinning room sits a table as big as it looked to us when we were ten. Room enough for everyone no child’s table here and all the foods that Mom, Joyce, Aunt Hazel, and Mammy cooked so well what you remembered from Thanksgiving and Christmas. All the food sitting there waiting on someone to dig in. I see Mom’s pumpkin pie and Dads potato salad and banana pudding, a big baked ham and roasted turkey, homemade dressing and giblet gravy. I can’t wait to taste Joyce’s fudge pie or maybe it’s her sweet potatoes covered with cinnamon and marshmallows. No mater how much you eat you never run out of hot rolls.

After dinner everyone goes on how good it all was settling down with drinks. There is no bad seat in the house all chairs and couches feel just right. Sitting there enjoying it all is Uncle Ed with his hat and overalls on playing with one of our many pets. Beside him is an open space waiting because here he doesn’t mind waiting on a woman.

This is what I see an open door and people waiting for us to arrive so the party can really get started. What a way to go home.

By
Sidney Tucker